NOTE: This note was to my parents. I don’t know if they read it or not. Words in parenthesis were not originally included in the letter

I want to start by saying that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for anyone that I hurt. But there was NOTHING that ANYONE could have done to prevent this. This is not anyone’s fault. Nobody knew that I was going to do this, and when.

I’ve been fighting for over five years now, and I am tired. I can’t fight anymore. I don’t have anything left to give. People kept telling me things would get better. I believed them. Things did get better, or at least for awhile, but they always got worse again. And they kept getting worse. And they have been for the last five years now.

I’ve caused you and Mom so much pain. Now I won’t cause anymore. I should have done it a long time ago, and saved you a lot more pain. You said yourself that the house was more peaceful when I was away. Well, now it will be – forever.

I really did feel depressed all the time. Just most of the time, I hid it. It’s only when I couldn’t hide it that people would notice. I guess I shouldn’t have hid it. Maybe then you would know that I really was depressed. I know you think that by telling others I was trying to get attention. I wasn’t. I guess I was hoping to find someone who would listen, and take me seriously.

I felt like I didn’t have an outlet. Like there was nothing I could do to ease the pain. Spanish was it for awhile, but even that got taken away from me too. I felt this was my only option. Like I didn’t have a choice. And I’m sorry for feeling that way. I’m sorry for the pain and heartache this has caused. I’m so, so sorry.

I got to where nothing could make me feel better. I felt as if even God could not love me. I felt that I wasn’t worth anything, and that it would be better for everyone if I was gone. I felt like I didn’t have a place, neither at work, or at home. Like I was always the odd one out, and no one would miss me if I left.

Sara (name change) (my best friend, who was there for me right after my parents pulled me out of school, and I didn’t have anyone else to talk to) should pick out 1 or 2 drawings and paintings that she likes. She was so good to me. I never deserved to have such a genuine, close friend. She tried everything. She did everything she could.

If there’s something of mine that (my Sister) wants, she can have it .If there’s something that some of the friends in the congregation want, they can have it. But Sara comes first. She was the best friend I ever had.

I don’t want a funeral or a memorial service. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve to even be remembered. I’m so, so sorry.

Theresa (signature)