I wrote this in my English class instead of paying attention. Not that I could anyway, but I was trying not to hurt myself sitting right there.

A small piece of metal controls me.

Day and night, I slave to it

And to my own hands

Yet I cannot break free.

I try getting rid of it

But it always finds

Its way back.

Controlling me more than ever

I fight, yet it’s stronger

Then I can be.

Winning every battle

between my mind

It silences my thoughts,

Calms and comforts me;

Stops my tears

Releases pain.

Yet the marks it leaves

Are permanent;

And what they leave behind,

Is a fear that soon,

Everyone will know my deepest secret

Even the thought of breaking free,

Of living my life

without this piece of metal

Is terrifying to me

And I know there’s no way

I’ll ever be truly free.

And a second one on another occasion. Also in class. But this time possibly math, maybe science, but I DID NOT cut after writing this.

I can’t focus

Can’t concentrate

The only things that fill my mind

Are how much I hurt inside

How much I hate myself

And the pain inside me that won’t go away

Almost nothing can suppress it

Almost no escape

My only means of coping

Has been snatched away from me

And yet, all these feeling

Come up inside me

Like a fiery flame

The cannot be put out.

The longer I fight it,

The more it hurts

Until I want to scream

I feel like hitting things,

Throwing things,

And breaking things

Anything that might suppress

My emotional anguish

I know what I need to do,

But I’m afraid;

Of once again bring discovered

And yet, I keep fighting.

Fighting my feelings

Harder then I’ve ever fought anything

But I finally reach

My breaking point,

And my feelings

Over-power all reasoning

So I pull out the blade

And I cut.

Pushing down hard

As I slide it across my skin

And then I’m calm

As my emotional pain

Slips into physical pain.

Once again, I can focus,

And I feel as if a huge weight

Has been taken away.

All I feel is the dull ache of the cut;

Nothing else.